I recently saw a post on Facebook that I wish I could have liked 1,000 times.
It described seasons of life and in some seasons, we have all our ducks in a row, while during others, we fail at juggling what is on our plate, even if it is not a lot.
I really needed to see this. After publishing a piece on my habit of people-pleasing, I started thinking how much of my life is (even now) dedicated to pleasing others. My mind has felt scattered and I’ve found it hard to focus.
Even though I felt like I’ve cut back on people pleasing, I’m still doing it a lot. In the past few weeks, seemingly everyone in my life told me that I wasn’t doing enough for them and it made me go into Superwoman mode. Superwoman mode was one I had hoped never to revisit. I was picking up old time-saving habits (eating fast food and cutting back on sleep) in order to make time for the needs of others.
The negative comments I heard from those around me broke my heart and in the process, I realized I gave up doing things I enjoyed to make room to please others.
In an effort to give myself a break and to provide some self-care, I saw Barbie last Sunday. Oh my — it was a beautiful reminder to me that females can be anything and we don’t have to live to please others.
This monologue in the movie, courtesy of America Ferrera’s character Gloria, struck me as so motivational. Here is the monologue for those who would like to read it:
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.
It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.
Gloria, played by America Ferrera, in Barbie
This movie touched my heart more than I ever could have imagined. I walked away with a new (much needed) perspective on life, a feeling that I wasn’t alone and a very pink and sparkly reminder that it’s more than OK to take care of my own needs.
Glitter on the Sidewalk 