Confessions of a People Pleaser

There was a point where I became the right-hand woman to what seemed like 100 people.

I needed to be needed. Even if I barely knew you…

• I’d watch your kids while you enjoyed a night out.
• I’d handle your animals and your house if you were on vacation.
• I’d find jobs for you to apply for if you wanted a new one.
• I’d take you to the airport.
• I’d stay late at work to help you with a project.
• I’d volunteer at your event.
• I’d donate my last dollar to your fundraiser.

I’d do it all for a simple “thank you.” I never wanted anything in return.

Growing up, I was never “helpful” enough. I was told I was completely worthless, had no common sense and was selfish. Because of those intense moments, and the frequency I heard those untrue words, I became the world’s biggest people pleaser. 

In the process of pleasing others, I had abandoned myself. 

It all sort of clicked one cold December weekend when Aaron pressured me into decorating his parents’ house/his house for Christmas. This includes the two of us assembling and decorating a gigantic fake Christmas tree and hanging enough glittery wreaths to fill any human with an IV of holiday spirit.

His able-bodied parents were home but thought this was a chore they could/should delegate.

In reality, the memory of that day, and all those decorations, give me such sadness. 

I never had the time to decorate my own home for Christmas yet I was giving up an entire Sunday to do that for someone else.

My heart breaks when I think of those countless moments where I overworked myself just to hear “thank you” or “great job.” 

I made such an effort to please others and I found myself being taken advantage of.

There were too many times where after a long day at work, I’d attend a committee meeting or a charity event only to come home to a messy house that I didn’t have an ounce of energy to clean. 

I ate poorly because I didn’t have time to cook for myself…but I’d be the first to bring a warm meal to somebody, or a family, experiencing difficulty.

I was sad. And lonely. And exhausted. Oh-so-exhausted.

And sometimes angry.

Although it was a long time coming, it all clicked that December Sunday when I realized I desperately needed to step back and care for myself first before helping others. 

That so-called worthless, unhelpful girl needed to be treated with the same kindness I was giving away.

I had a lot less anger in my heart as my list of commitments began to clear. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel selfish saying “no.”

I still give so much energy, attention and love to others, but now, I make sure my needs are on that list, too.