Why I Stopped Watering Dead Plants

I watered a dead plant for five years. Well, figuratively…not literally.

I dated a guy for five years and it should have ended long before it did. I could write a book on all the red flags that had been present from day one and all the times I wanted to leave but didn’t have the strength.

I was worried I’d want to go back eventually and ending it would be a forever regret. I previously wrote about my hesitation to take leaps of faith after being out of work and how that has impacted my decision-making ability. I really think my inability to end this was a result of that trauma.

The relationship was toxic in every way. It was unhealthy and I don’t miss it.  

Aaron had so many awful qualities but had enough good ones that kept me interested. Truth be told, he was a warm body and was willing to go to movies and go to restaurants with me. It was fun to be out and about with a significant other and to get to venture out as a couple.

This was the first time any man ever showed interest in me, but the novelty wore off quickly. I still stayed and put effort into the relationship convinced it would improve. I felt guilty for wanting more and I’ve never liked being a quitter.

I was depleting my energy, time and sanity for a man who couldn’t even answer the phone when I called him (he told me he only picked up my calls if he had something he wanted to say). We could only go places he wanted to go yet I was still giving it my all. I was making investments into the withering relationship hoping it would grow.

Things got more and more depressing as each day passed. He lived (still lives) with his parents and had zero initiative to improve his surroundings. I tolerated every mood swing, every outburst and every excuse this non-functioning adult produced. I was watering a dead plant over and over again and expecting it to bloom.  

Our phone conversations (when he picked up) were completely one-sided and exhausting. He rambled on and on about every minute pain in his body and every mundane task he completed at work for what seemed like hours upon hours yet he rarely asked about my day. But shame on me – I kept listening.

After I spent so much time thinking about walking away, I finally did. It was a slow process that required an incredible support system, but I did it. I am free.

I stopped watering the dead plants in my life and it made room for new, exciting things.

I believe in expressing loyalty to people but I also believe in growth, happiness and self-respect.