I have always hated conflict. If I am not careful, I tend to bottle up my emotions when I am mad and then resort to passive-aggressive behavior. I’m a work in progress.
Reading the quote “If you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a new war with yourself” struck a chord with me.
Growing up, I was expected to go along with any idea or seem agreeable no matter the situation. It really backfired as I got older and even in my thirties, I’m still trying to find my voice.
For a long time, I’d replay bad situations in my head thinking about what I could have said or done to have changed the interaction. Internally, I’d question why I let someone talk to me that way or why I had allowed myself to get so hurt.
I stayed in a toxic relationship for far-too-long because I didn’t want to hurt my former significant other’s feelings. I have let people walk all over me because I didn’t want to be viewed as problematic. I’ve taken the blame for things I didn’t do because it was the easiest, quickest option to move forward. I’m not sure what my breaking point was, but I started speaking up for myself more which has helped me both emotionally and physically. I believe some health issues I’ve experienced were a direct result of keeping things inside.
One benefit of speaking up is connecting with others who have similar beliefs and making others feel like they are not alone.
In Leaps of Faith, I mentioned the trauma of losing my job four years ago. Friends, colleagues and those I barely knew came out of the woodwork to share their stories of overcoming a dreaded, unexpected lay-off. Their anecdotes were extremely comforting and gave me hope.
They were simply stating “me too” as a reaction to my grief.
It’s special when someone says “me too.” In fact, “me too” may be the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful words in the English language. It means you’re being heard, and the listener is grasping your message to the fullest possible extent while sharing their view or past experience.
Learning to say no, both figuratively and literally, has changed my life. I stopped giving time and energy to people and situations that don’t align with my goals.
Speaking up comes easier to some than others. If it is a struggle for you, like it was for me, I’ve found it gets easier the more frequent I do it. I was told exercising the ability to speak up is similar to exercising a muscle – repeating the motion is the only way to build strength.
Speaking up is crucial for a healthy body and mind and you’ll most likely inspire someone with your efforts along the way.
Glitter on the Sidewalk 